We need to pay attention to those who commit violence too
Let’s put the focus on users of violence
Note: This article was originally issued as a media release and published on our website in November 2019 for White Ribbon. We have updated it and are republishing it for White Ribbon 2022 on this new website and under our new name RISE (formerly SVS - Living Safe).
RISE is calling for people to pay more attention to male users of violence during this month’s White Ribbon campaign because unless we do, New Zealand’s serious family violence problem won’t get better.
RISE is an accredited provider of professional support services in the area of family violence. The White Ribbon campaign, which asks men to take ownership of this issue and model good behaviour, is in full swing this month backing the United Nations International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Women on 25 November.
Understanding why men commit violence and how they come to normalise this behaviour is critical to preventing future violence, says RISE General Manager Dee Cresswell.
“We start by talking and listing to the men who walk through our door,” Dee says. “Building trust through talking is so important. These men need to know they are worthy of our time and effort. We can’t just punish them, send them away, and expect them to get better. We need to understand them and help them see there’s a better way than violence.”
She says the actions of violent men can’t be ignored, but the cycle of violence won’t be broken if punishment is the only answer.
“We must hold these men to account, absolutely, but New Zealand’s approach is too often is to punish these men and separate them from their entire support system and hope they learn a new lesson.
“Our experience is that if we treat them with respect and uphold their mana, they feel respected and they start to widen their lens on the world to see how others perceive them. Then they start to truly understand the effects of their actions and work toward lifelong change.”
With one in three women in New Zealand having experienced physical and/or sexual violence from a partner in their lifetime, Dee says we cannot afford to keep applying the same solution to this problem and expect different results.
“For years the focus has been on assisting the victim and punishing the perpetrator. Let’s try a different way. Let’s talk to these men and listen to their stories. Often by helping them identify their own pain and trauma and supporting them to change they start to see a new way forward.”
