Men’s groups: How men’s support groups are helping men heal and grow

RISE is supporting the expansion of groups for men on the West Coast and in Murchison.

We see this as a valuable opportunity to assist men who may have attended RISE’s programmes, and need further help, and as a way to empower men who want to support each other.

RISE clinician Victor MacGill has been working with men’s group for 30 years. He also set up support groups for men in Kaikōura following the 2016 earthquake. For the past three years he has worked in Nelson with men’s groups advocate Hardy Bachert.

Victor says men’s groups promote positive forms of masculinity and are a safe place for men to take care of themselves and the other men in their group.

“We men don’t talk about our stuff,” Victor says.  “So, it’s providing an environment where men can feel safe to talk about issues that come up in their lives.”

Men’s Groups traditionally have a low profile, and Victor and Hardy want to change this and highlight the issues men face.

RISE secured a $30,000 grant from the Ministry of Social Development’s Changemaker Fund to enable Victor and Hardy to work on the West Coast and in Murchison.

The men held a special men’s day in Reefton on October 7. The day aimed to bring men and organisations that work with men together. Men who attended were offered a free roast meal and could take part in fun activities such as a trailer backing competition organised by the police. They also heard from guest speakers including a Reefton farmer and a former All Black. Health checks from Te Whatu Ora and Poutini Waiora were offered on the day.

The Reefton event provided an opportunity to raise awareness of men’s support groups.

Building on Victor’s success setting up a men’s group in Kaikōura, Victor and Hardy want to set up men’s groups in Reefton, and later Murchison. They will help run the groups for an extended period before handing them over to the community.

They say numerous people have told them there is a huge need for extra support services for men on the West Coast.

They hope the groups can provide on-going support for men who have completed family violence programmes as there can be little support for men after those courses have finished.

Victor has been told the rising cost of living, the flooding on the Coast, the run-on effects of Covid-19 and rural isolation are all having an impact.

“There is a lot of stress in the community. The rural sector is under financial pressure. Police have told us that there has been an increase in family violence,” Hardy says.

Victor and Hardy say men’s groups usually meet fortnightly for three hours. The regularity and length of the meetings allow participants to build strong bonds and enable deeper discussions.

The groups are non-religious, avoid politics, are confidential and a respectful space. They are run by men and have a strong culture of trust, non-judgement and mutual respect.

Men’s groups allow men to talk about their lives and reflect on what is happening, Victor says.

Every member is given the chance to speak. A main rule is that if you are talking about an issue it needs to be about how it affects you personally.

Each group is different and reflects the different communities they are based in.

Hardy says what the groups cannot do is fix people in crisis, for example those experiencing serious mental illness or those with drug addictions.

But they can reach out and support men before things fall apart.

“We’re trying to encourage people to speak up and seek support if things are not working out.”

Hardy says men’s groups can help participants to take ownership of their issues and deal responsibly with them. They also help men to support other men unpack what is happening in their lives.

RISE clinician Victor MacGill and Hardy Bachert are setting up support groups for men on the West Coast and in Murchison.

“We don't tell each other, get over it. Rather we say, ‘Sit down, let’s have a talk’.”

He has been involved in a men’s group for 10 years in Nelson and found it hugely beneficial for participants.

Participants can be empowered by understanding the shortcomings of their upbringings and the faulty coping mechanisms they might have learned as a result.

“I've seen people that within a year or two, get a much clearer understanding what the components of the problems are.

“After two years, you notice that discussions at home become a lot more constructive.”

RISE’s general manager Dee Cresswell says RISE supports the changemakers fund and its intention, we see it as a positive extension to our work to support behavioural change.

“These groups might be helpful to men who have completed our programme as a supportive network.”

Hardy and Victor have been working in Nelson to understand the Men’s Groups already in existence.

In the past two years they have formed two new groups, networked with the existing groups and helped the groups connect with services available to men.

They organised an International Men’s Day event in Nelson in 2022, and are holding an International Men’s Open Day on November 18 at the Victory Community Centre.

For more information email Victor.