Learning by doing: becoming a family violence specialist

Becoming a family violence specialist means walking a long and windy path. There are no degrees offered for this specialty, even though it is a vital part of the effort to eliminate family violence in New Zealand where one in three women have been a victim. It is well known that New Zealand has one of the highest rates of family violence in the developed world and yet it was only in May of this year that the Government set out standards of practice for organisations and career professionals serving in this sector.

Kimberley is on the path now. She started with RISE in 2019 after a counselling placement in the areas of perinatal support and youth counselling. For the first time this year, she is working one-on-one with users of violence participating in RISE’s Non-violence Programme. Most of her clients are men and she has been surprised and challenged by the work given her prior experience.

“After starting at RISE, I’m still working with youth and I’m also involved with the adult safety programme for women. I co-facilitated a group on Tuesdays and loved it right away. It’s a different energy, almost magical. I listen to how each woman got here and then I become part of their journey, through the work of the group, as they bond and learn and discover life altering moments. It’s so cool to be part of making a difference.”

This year Kimberley began working with her first perpetrator client and found it more fulfilling than she expected. She wasn’t sure how she would find it or if it would be challenging. That’s because her introduction to mandated perpetrators comes from police reports and affidavits that often paint a grim picture.

“Everyone has biases and I did too. Up to this point I’d worked with children and women and naturally I wondered about their abusers. Reading detailed police reports is upsetting and confronting. But when I welcome the client into my room, my prior trepidations go. Every single client has been vulnerable and keen to change. They are so invested in the process and it has made me more invested too.

“They are just a person like you and me. You have to see more than the confronting language and the mental images from police reports and focus on the person in front of you and build a connection.”

The first step for Kimberley with a new client is to find out what is behind the event and the behaviours that led them to the point where they used violence.

“They are more than one incident. They are more than someone who hurt someone else. Most are people who have also been hurt at one time and this meeting with me is the start of a long process of change.”

Kimberley’s first non-violence programme client came as a referral from the Ministry of Justice. He had already been through the same programme once and was back after another incident.

“We had a good connection from the start,” she says. “He let his guard down with me early and we talked about his motivation for change. The thought of losing contact with his child was key to his making changes.

“The incident involved alcohol and he was also a marijuana user. He cut back his drinking, he cut his marijuana use, and he was 100 percent focused on not losing his child. That was amazing and a huge achievement. It really helped him think more clearly and focus on the other parts of the programme. I was so proud of him and his progress.

“I wasn’t bothered that he had been through the programme before. It’s very common for people to repeat our programmes. Sometimes the first time is only about planting a seed. When this client came back, he had already completed some of the initial groundwork and was keen to do more. That’s very rewarding.”

Kimberley continues to work with victims at the same time as she is increasing her client base of perpetrators. Working with both helps her keep the whole picture of family violence in her mind.

“There are two sides to each experience and knowing both sides means I am enhancing my practice for everyone. People’s lives are complex and often there is trauma on both sides. Seeing the complete picture makes me more confident in working to help people be their best selves.”