Parental guidance for partners leaving a violent relationship
Separating from your partner can be stressful and upsetting under any circumstances. There are additional complexities when children are involved, and even more when one parent is leaving a violent partner.
New Zealand
The rates of family violence in New Zealand are high and many children are exposed to it. Many relationships end because of family violence. However, your children need both of you in their lives, regardless of the issues in your relationship. If violence is present, additional care has to be taken and could include a Protection Order.
The Ministry of Justice provides advice for parents who are separating.
Read more from the Ministry of Justice on putting your children first, a parents' guide to caring for children after a separation, including a list of resources for counselling and support.
If parents are experiencing family violence, find additional resources from MOJ here with a long list of where you can get help also available here.
Further advice from Australia
Australia has a similar experience with rates of family violence and the Australian Psychological Society developed a useful resource for parents in this situation. They provide advice on helping children through the process.
“When families living with violence separate, this can be beneficial for children, if they are removed from the violence and kept safe, and are able to begin to recover. However the effects of family violence can continue to take their toll, even after the parents’ relationship has ended. Family violence can also worsen or even happen for the first time at the point of separation, thus separation can also be a dangerous time for women and children leaving a violent partner and father. Even if physical violence stops, post-separation family violence can continue in the form of threats, intimidation, stalking, and so on.”
Read more for advice for parents who want to look after their children’s needs after they separate from a partner who has used violence. Parents can learn how to:
provide safety
repair and rebuild safe and secure emotional bonds with their child
develop routines, stability, and predictability
help children find positive ways of coping with strong feelings
seek their own support
make time for difficult conversations with children
teach children skills to help them express their feelings and keep themselves safe
manage contact and access issues with children
stay positive!
For the complete guide, click here: Promoting children’s wellbeing when one parent is leaving a violent partner: Tips for separating parents in the context of family violence.
